Let it go
by Winnifred Artemis
Summary: SPOILER ALERT! Takes place after the events in 'Cold Days'. Molly has gotten used to her new life and is thinking back on what was, as well as what is to come.


**A/N:  
** Spring and Summer 2014 I read through the all the published books in 'The Dresden Files'. In the end of that Summer, as I finished 'Cold Days', the awesomeness hit me. I had been really into Frozen for a while, and suddenly the two universes crashed in my brain, and suddenly the lyrics of 'Let it go' seemed to fit my Picture of Molly - and better than it fit to Elsa.

So, what I did was basically to combine the different lyrics and put it all into my Molly Perspective. Them, during the NaNoWriMo in November, I finally got down to writing the story down. It's a while since all that happened and this is because I wanted to have it betaed. However, it seems like there are nobody out there that want to / is able to beta my Dresden-stories. *sigh*

Anyway, I really hope you like this (even if it's unbetaed), and that you'll leave me a review in the bottom of the page^^

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 **Disclaimer:  
** «I do not own any of the following pictures, music, characters or the original universe. I only own the story itself and the idea.»  
Thanks a lot to Soaring Okami for betaing on this story.

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 **Let it go**

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Nothing. Nothing for as far as the eye can see. White. Only white. White snow and nothing else. There is no sign of life here, no humans. No, no human, because I, myself, am no longer human. I'm one of _them_ now, one of the beings of Winter.

Back then I had been so scared. I'd been taken as a prisoner and brought to Arctis Tor. I remember how frightened I'd been, seeing the stronghold of Winter for the first time. The black ice, decorated with lights of green and amethyst, flickering, giving life to an image of jaws of a hungry predator. It all seemed to be so far away now. I can still remember that I was scared, but the feeling itself? No, that is something I can't recall. Maybe it was a sign? Something telling me that I've finally become one with Winter? That I've gotten used to my new life and the part I now am to play?

It had been a large change in my life- coming here. And even more to become one of their Queens. Everybody looked at me. I'd never been looked at in that way before. Fear. I saw fear in their eyes. Fear, but also respect. It made me feel strange, but also, in an odd way, happy. Even though they didn't know me, they still understood what and who I was. And that… that had been something new to me.

Life in the Carpenter-house had been nothing but loving. The house was well kept, and I'd been surrounded by all my adorable, little siblings. Not to mention my always loving and good-hearted parents. It had been a good home, but the life there wasn't one fitted for me. Back there I'd been no one but 'Margaret Katherine Amanda Carpenter', the daughter of my parents. I'd been expected to live up to the responsibility and to the role my parents had raised me to. However, this was not who I felt I was. No, I was nothing like that.

All those years I spent hiding who I was and what I wanted out of life. In the beginning I found it easy. It had been so exciting. Nothing gave you an adrenalin rush as sneaking behind your mother's back wearing revealing clothing, an older guy and a different life. But in time, as both of my lives evolved, it became harder. I suddenly had to think of what I did, of how each life affected the other. In a way it was killing me inside, having to keep all those closest to me from knowing the whole truth about me. If I'd continued living like that... who knows where or who I would have ended up becoming. Luckily for me, that was when my life changed.

It's strange to consider my first encounter with magic as a lucky one. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but still, I continued. My friends were both users of narcotics and, when I learned that she was pregnant, I just couldn't sit back, doing nothing. I had tried to convince them, using my magic to remove the urge and the addiction, to make them stop, but, instead, my personal feelings had gotten in the way and interfered with the magic. It all could have ended back then. The White Council had been after me, hunting me down to execute me but, before they could, he stepped in.

When Harry decided to gamble his life on me that was when I knew, for the first time, that I'd been accepted. In contrary to my family, Harry Dresden had known about my secret life - and in some cases even supported it. He was the first one that really understood me, and from that moment on I knew that our fates would forever be entwined.

Being a wizard, although in training, had changed my view on the world around me. Sure, it still looked the same, but as Harry taught me magic; its history and purpose, everything seemed to change. I could suddenly understand the nature better, how all the things around us affect people. I'd noticed it before, but never had I been able to understand it to such a degree.

I remember all the lessons I had with my teacher, all the new and amazing things he had taught me, not just about magic, but also about the world in general. In the beginning I became his apprentice because I had to. I had been afraid of the council and of what I might do if I didn't get my powers under control; but then, listening to my mentor, I really wanted to learn. I wanted to explore the magic given to me.

Slowly, I started living my own, new life. I moved out and took care of myself. Though the change was a little hard in the beginning, it was still easier. I could just be myself - I didn't need to pretend or hide anymore. I was free from all that. All I needed was just to be me.

Thinking back on my previous life, I realize now how much I worried - not just about myself, but also about those around me, and of what they thought of me. I had never really seemed like a person that cared, but I guess that I, in fact, cared a lot more than I let out. Back then I was worried about what they might think if they knew- knew that the one they thought they knew, suddenly turned out to be something entirely different. It scared me, and I think those fears had a lot of influence in the choices I made.

Arctis Tor changed that about me. It gave me a new chance to start over. Because nobody knew me I didn't need to pretend - I could just be me. That feeling was the only thing keeping me together in the first time as the Winter Lady. The fact that I then felt safe with myself, and with whom I was, made the loss of my home less painful. I still cried a lot. I remember that I spent most nights in bed, crying, missing my mother's warm embrace and my father's soothing voice.

Mab had tried, in her very own way, to be there for me. However I don't feel like being a mother is her calling in life. It wasn't that she wasn't kind, she was, I guess, just in a very… cold way. I guess it didn't help that I was the replacement of her own daughter either, and that looking at me probably brought her back to when she had killed Maeve. Still, she did try, and I soon learned to enjoy the beauty of Winter and the power and confidence it gave. Each day was filled with new realizations, and I soon learned that it wouldn't be as bad as I had thought. It was a new start and new faces - and if I were to need a familiar face, I could always summon Harry. That thought had given me plenty of amusing ideas. The fact that I was now higher ranked than him; my own teacher, was really something that I will make good use of. That is, if I ever get the time. Even though this new life does have its perks, I soon learned that it also has a lot of responsibilities - and I hadn't even entered Winter, before I had been put to a training program that made even my time with Lea seem like a dance of roses.

I guess some people would blame what happened to me on Mab, or even on Harry, but I don't. I mean, why would I? It was neither of their faults. Yes, Mab was the one that, in secret to anyone besides the Leanansidhe, had made sure that I was trained as a potential successor, and with that knowledge let Maeve get shot - transferring the Winter mantle to me. And yes, it was all because of Harry that I was present at the time. But still, the fault was mostly mine. I was the one that made the choice. The choice to follow in Harry's steps, to be his apprentice, his friend, a wizard. If I'd chosen differently back then, chosen only to learn to control my powers and let it be with that, or if I'd stayed away from magic from the very beginning...

These are all 'if's'. Thoughts of what could have been, of who I could have been. But what's the use of thinking that? There is no way for me to return to that life. The 'Molly Carpenter' that the world knew is gone now, buried in layer on layer of cold, impregnable ice that is never going to melt away.

The truth is that I can't say that I regret it either. Not the life I chose back then, nor the new life it resulted it. The truth is that I've finally found myself. Found the real me. I now have the chance to see what I can do. Back then I couldn't, both because that put both me and those around me in danger, but also because that council already was onto me. One mistake or screw up - and both the head of my mentor and mine would roll. Now, however, I can do all that I wish to. I can test my limits and break through them, advancing myself, becoming stronger. It was when I first realized this that I finally knew what it meant to be free.

Harry once told me about Winter; that its nature was beautiful violence and a stark clarity; somewhere where the most feral needs, animalistic desires and killer instincts pitted against each other. It was the season of cold and death; a place where the will and desire to fight was at its absolute, even though the a life they fought for had no shelter, no warmth, no respite, no hope, and no help.

Those words were harsh, and for the longest time I had thought them exaggerated, but since then I'd seen things and learned. It was true that Winter was deadly and merciless. It was the kingdom of air and darkness, for heaven's sake. However, my life there would be long, and I'd always been one to go against tradition, and given some time... who knew if the temperature might rise just a few degrees?

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 **A/N:  
** Please leave a review with your thoughts, okay?  
it will help me write better in the future^^

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